For more a year we’ve all wondered, what’s next? The state of America in 2020 has changed dramatically from the years prior and it’s obvious. Like most, I missed out on celebrating a true milestone. For years I planned my 30th birthday trip.

In my mind, I was going on this whole, EAT-PRAY-LOVE journey to Bali for two and a half weeks and I would just be a whole different person when I came back. What’s unfortunate was the fact that this was cancelled due to the onset of COVID-19. But, in light of all of that I decided to do this photoshoot that really empowered me in a way that I definitely needed after losing 40+ lbs on a year long journey.

Although my birthday came and went along with the past 6+ months, I decided I would like to share. I hope this turn of events can inspire you to be the best you, to never give up, just find another alternative, and to try something new.

It took EVERYTHING in me to get through this shoot. It was rough for me for many reasons. The most important reason was my ‘grand reveal’ after losing weight and getting in shape. My issues of insecurity in front of a camera are nothing new, though most people that know me personally don’t know this.
I’ve always felt I wasn’t photogenic at all, even though I’ve been told the opposite by my family and friends most of my life. I realized only about a year ago that I may have body dysmorphia. To put it plainly, I see something different than what others see when I see myself in the mirror. And to take it a step further I don’t see the same person between looking in the mirror and looking at pictures, though it’s still me. It’s not that I see myself as bad or anything, I just don’t fully understand what others convey to me that they see.

For example, someone may snap a pic of me and say that they want to share it on social media because its a ‘beautiful picture’. However, what I see is a bad angle and several flaws. And given the opportunity to post it myself I wouldn’t, because I would feel it’s not a good picture of me. This happens regularly and I’m often stuck looking at images of myself that I don’t particularly like.

For years I would avoid taking pictures, turn down others’ requests to do photoshoots and this skewed perception of myself is the ‘why’. Moving forward to this photoshoot; I wanted to fight that urge to push myself into the shadows and hide from myself and the world. I want to be seen as I am and I’m working hard to accept that every part of me that I see is lovable and worthy.


Follow Kyle on IG @dj.pressplay223